Redefining the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
When I was 10 years old, someone asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I responded proudly that I wanted to be a marine veterinarian and a fashion designer. You see, I loved aquatic animals and I loved drawing and dressing up. To me, I could do both professions; they were simply two separate, distinct dreams living in one heart.
The adult who asked me immediately laughed. He thought it was hilarious. He said, “Are you going to design a tutu for a whale?”
In a way, it was soul-crushing. Having an adult laugh in your face for what you believe is a truly possible future can change your entire trajectory, especially if you are a child. Of course, I became neither of those things, but the memory remains a vivid example of how we often ask children this question and if their response isn’t what we expect, our reactions or opinions inadvertently influence their worldview.
The SEL Impact: Why Our Reaction Matters
In the field of Social Emotional Learning (SEL), focus is placed on self-awareness and social awareness. When we mock or dismiss a child’s ambition, we are teaching them:
- Focus on the safety net of realistic goals and ditch creative endeavors.
- Seek external validation, ignore or dull internal passion.
- Follow only the path well traveled. If no proven success for others, it likely isn’t worthy and your intuition is not to be trusted.
So, what can we do instead?
Instead of asking the traditional “What do you want to be,” try shifting the focus toward identity and impact:
- Ask “How do you want to help?” This shifts the focus from a job title to a sense of purpose. A child might say, “I want to help animals” or “I want to make people laugh.”
- Ask “What do you love doing right now?” This validates their current interests without the added pressure of a 20-year plan. It celebrates who they are, not just who they might become.
- Validate the “And” If a child wants to be a “Dress-Designing Vet,” say: “That is an amazing combination of skills! How do you think those two things work together?”
Final Thoughts
Our goal as educators and parents should not be to direct a child’s future path, but to help them explore the world and find who they are. Let’s stop looking for “realistic” answers and start looking for the light in their eyes when they dream.
Check out my new book “When I grow up, what will I be” (for ages 2-8) and the accompanying free educator’s discussion guide for more inspiration!
Blog post and video by Laura Teichen. © 2026 Moonbeam Learning Studio LLC. All rights reserved. Cover image generated by Google Gemini for display purposes only.